I am guilty, though I know I shouldn’t feel that way in the first place. Feeling guilty over the fact that you haven’t shown your darkest and most inner self to anyone but yourself is something that people should not feel. It’s like your guilty for existing or for doing your best. It’s stupid and ugly. 

But I guess, I am stupid and ugly because I feel bad for keeping it a secret even to the closest to me. That’s why I always wonder if someday my big secret goes out, will they still look at me the same way they look at me today. I’m afraid to be stripped naked, to be fully known, and with nothing left to hold onto. Because it somehow feels like that this secret that I keep is the last piece of me that keeps me sane, that keeps me grounded. And eventhough that version of myself isn’t something that I should rely on, I know that I own my actions, thoughts and beliefs, and that is why I have the right to hide it so no one can see how ugly I can be.

If there’s one thing that is constant in my life right now (or as always) is that it keeps on changing. People leave, things aren’t the same as they used to, and there are mornings that even I cannot recognize myself in the mirror anymore. It feels like I’ve changed a lot, and yet, I’m still the same old me from way way back.

These past few months, I went to several places, met new people, and learned new things about myself and the world. I guess those little things caused everything to change. Simple things, or even a minute in your life could cause a huge impact to you and tomorrow. Well, I intend to blog about those mischief and adventures soon anyway. But I guess, soon is not soon enough. For myself, and for my beloved few readers, I will give some hints on what I’d been up to lately.

So here goes what’s life lately has been about…

1. For the past years, every time I visit Ilocos Norte and Ilocos Sur I always go home with a  sad heart. For some reason, I don’t get to fully enjoy the historical and breathtakingly beautiful spots in the region. Maybe because I’d been going there for work, not for leisure. But this year, I went there with my colleagues and low and behold, I had fun! That’s why I cannot wait to post my Ilocos trip blog entry.

2. Remember my post about Josefina? Well… my grandmother died right after the night I’ve posted that entry. Aside from the fact that I couldn’t bear losing her, It also broke my heart that I wasn’t able to properly say goodbye or at least show her how much I cherish her on her last days.. there are just so many things that I should have done but I didn’t. I was too busy with what’s going on in my life that I wasn’t able to see what’s really important. And now, it’s too late.

3. My eldest cousin got married. And to be honest? I was really disappointed because of what happened during the preparations for the wedding and on the day of the wedding itself. Don’t get me wrong ‘cause it wasn’t a bad wedding, as a matter of fact, it was magical and a blessed one. The bride was so pretty, and my kuya looks so happy. I just don’t know, but the occasion turned out the way I have never expected it to be.

4. I have lived in our province my whole life, and being able to enjoy the beauty of our region with my aunts and cousins from laguna, manila and quezon province is one of the highlights of my year. I have always wanted to have my family and loved ones close to me, that’s why it’s a dream come true to have them here with us celebrating various occasions.

5. You see, I’m actually using my new laptop which I got from our most recent trip. Can you guess where we went to? Well… it’s just freaking USA. lol. Honestly, I can never forget the feeling of having your visa granted a couple of weeks before the flight. And the actual trip was the best thing I’ve ever experienced as a traveller. I’ve never thought that i will fall in love with the states and cities of america. Particularly Florida that I used to loath for no reason at all, California that I really don’t give any importance, and the famous Las Vegas that I’ve only seen in movies. Well… I honestly cannot wait to tell you guys my stories about the best trip of the year.

6. Last but not the least, let me share the status of my heart. Whether it’s really beating or not (I’m not talking here in a literal way), I’m not sure. As of now, I’m living over the edge. And any moment, I might fall in a pit less darkness. It’s a long story, perhaps I’ll share it some other time, or in another blog entry.

Okay, so that is my new version of “life lately” and I think I’ve managed to cover most of the highlights of what happened in my life during the second quarter of the year. I will be posting separate blog entries for each number, so I hope you guys will wait for them! xx

Moving on…

There are things in our life that we feel like we can never go a day without, like our loved ones, or the things that we hold closest to our hearts. These things doesn’t need to be made out of gold to be considered as special, because it can be a small trinket from your favorite adventure or your cellphone. In other words, it really depends on the person and whatever he or she holds dear.

As for me, I’d been blogging since 2009 and all these years my chosen platform has always been Tumblr. So I could say that Tumblr is pretty important to me. Though I’ve tried Xanga and Wordpress, but since most of the people I know are on Tumblr, I’ve never considered leaving the blogging site that taught me everything I know about blogging. Besides, I don’t think there is any other blogging site that can rival Tumblr when it comes to building online community. Because in one way or another, many lives were changed after being a “Tumblrista”. Some became famous, others earned good friends, while the rest got to experienced being able to express their emotions through re-blogs or through their own literary masterpieces. That’s why it’s really hard for me to leave.. because I was one of those people whose life was changed because of Tumblr.

But I guess everything has their own end, a period wherein you have to close a door so you can move forward. And so, this could be the end of my Tumblr days. The days filled with emotions and chances. I swear, I will never forget all the people, great people, I’ve met through the years because of Tumblr.

But this is not yet goodbye, because I will still continuously blog here for another six months while I prepare for the launching of my new blog, where the grown up version of myself will blog. Because that is basically the reason why I need this move, or change. I believe that I also need to graduate from the environment of my 18 year old self. I feel like it’s unhealthy for my blogging career or whatsoever. I don’t know really, but a part of me knows that what I’m planning to do is the right thing to do.

Thus, I hope that 2017 will be a great year for a new beginning. xx

For months, I’d been trying to gather enough stuff that I’d been using that I can feature in my blog. But sadly, I just couldn’t find the products or brands or even human beings that can really inspire me to write another one of my monthly favorites. That is why it took me months to gather the following stuff that I like and/or currently using.

1. Make Up: Naked 3 Pallete

I’d been using this eye shadow palette from Urban Decay called Naked 3. It gives more warm and pinkish shades unlike its predecessor which features more brown and tan hues. I love how it gives me a more feminine vibe and how I can easily apply them with the brush that comes with the palette.

2. Beauty Care Products: Victoria Secret’s Body Lotion (Love Spell)

I am not a lotion person. And if I can, I won’t apply any lotion because I hate how it feels on my skin since it’s very humid in my country. But lately, I’d been using Victoria Secret’s Body Lotion. I cannot say that it is really different from the other body lotions that I’ve tried before, but I can really feel the changes in my skin. But what I really love about it is the scent. They have various scent offered, but since my aunt gave me a love spell body spray last December, I made sure that I’m using their love spell lotion as well. 

3. Personality: Janina Vela

hey hey hey! I’m currently getting obsessed with the teenage Filipina youtuber named Janina Vela. I’d been watching her vlogs since May, so I can say that I have watched almost all of her vlogs now. The young and bubbly vlogger surely knows how to catch her subscribers which she fondly calls her velafam. She features her vacations, events, styles and other interesting stuff about her. Sometimes she even includes her family in her vlogs which make her more adorable than ever. And whenever I watch her vlogs, I could not help but reminisce on my teenage years. Though I was more of a gloomy teenager back then, so maybe I’m reminiscing someone else’s teenage years. Haha

4. Gadget/Electronics: GoPro Hero 4

If there’s anything that I cannot go on my summer vacation without, that would be my GoPro Hero4 camera. I mean, you got to have a waterproof camera with you when you go to the beach, pools and other places people usually go to during the summer season. And GoPro Hero4 camera is the best partner when it comes to taking selfies or groufies since it has a built in fisheye like lens that covers more spaces than the usual lenses. The camera has many amazing features which sporty peeps will enjoy. 

5. Fashion: Forever 21

If there is a brand in the world that I can say that represents my style, that would be forever 21. Whenever I am in need of “pang aura” clothes, I make sure that I will drop by at the nearest forever 21 store to check if they’re on sale, if not, I’ll just look for something that will fit my needs. It doesn’t matter if the clothes are more costly, because I seriously think that I’m getting more than what I paid for. Their designs matches my edgy style and the materials that they use are in good quality. That’s why, forever 21 is my forever favorite! 

6. Application: Snapchat

I am pretty sure that I am not the only person on earth today who thinks that “snapchat” is one of the best application that was made due to its original concept and filters. I used to ignore it, but after I’ve seen several posts on tumblr using the snapchat application, I got intrigued and I eventually fell in love with it. Now, I use it like every hour of everyday. It really helps that everything you post can be seen on a limited time only, thus you won’t have feed goals problems or worry if you post too much because it is normal in snapchat unlike in facebook. So kudos to the one who created it. 

So that is my April-June favorites! I hope I have shared something that people can relate to or it was helpful in one way or another. I will post my next favourites on the third quarter of the year, so please wait for it!

To most people, going back to school means a lot of things. It could mean seeing their classmates, facing calculus or physics which they hate, or seeing their crush after two months of summer break. 

But for me, it means another year with my beloved students, my hardworking teachers and proactive colleagues. You see, I work in a college, an institution that aims to produce lifelong learners. And I am happy to be back (Actually, I was still working even during the summer break, I’m just saying that I’m back since I just got home after my 3 week “workation” in US)

To be honest, continuing my blogging life could be dangerous for me and my position at work. However, as I’ve seen my other colleagues starting their blogging careers (Yep, I used the word career since they want to earn money through blogging), I have decided to be brave enough to embrace what I’ve always wanted to do, or to go back to. 

May we all have a fruitful school year ahead of us! xx 

I am beginning to have this weird habit of thinking of lame titles for things that I want to discuss. And yes, I know they’re lame, so I’m not going to wait for other people to tell me so. 

But that is not what I really want to talk about. 

This entry is all about my random thoughts towards “friendship” and how I’d been dealing with my friends lately (I know some of my friends might be able to see this, so hey!). 

For the past 23 years of my existence, I only get to keep a very small group of people to call my friends. Because for some reason, I always ends up making people around me dislike me or it is me who slowly drifts away from them. 

I am not a keeper, I know that now. That is why it is frustrating how I’d been acting up lately. You see, I can feel myself slowly drifting away from the people I truly care about, my friends that I have known almost half of my life. And it kills me to think that I might lose them in the end. 

So this is sort of an open letter (though I’m not really sure if I can really call this an open letter)  to all of the people I’ve considered as my friend.. you know who you are. 

I am sorry for being such a lousy friend these past several months (or even years), I cannot promise that I can be the person that you need, but I promise that I can try. I want you to know that I value our friendship and you as a person. And if there is even one moment that I have made you feel otherwise, please know that I have never intended to do so. I cannot always keep my promises and there will be moments that I will not be there for you physically or on the other side of the line. But still, I want you to always remember that I will call you back, or even message you as soon as I can. I will make it up to you because you are you. You are one of the few people that I have decided to cherish and include in my vip list. I love you and everything will be okay. So please bear with my cray and don’t give up on me, specially on our friendship. 

It is cheesy. But I am cheesy, a proud cheese lover. 

xx