Since today is the first day of the year which means it is the 1 out of the 365. I think now is the perfect time to start moving forward into becoming a better person, which is my goal this 2014. So here goes my letters or short messages to the people who I think I have wronged last year, or to just some random people.
1. I am really sorry for being such a bitch. You have done nothing bad to me (that I’m aware of), and yet I was silently trying to kill you with my hard feelings. Though I wasn’t really trying to kill you, but even by imagining it was just too horrible, and I don’t want to be that person anymore. I’m really sorry for being unkind, and for checking up on you on your facebook account every time I had a chance because of my paranoia. And I feel so sick because of what I’d been doing, it’s really nasty and I’m not that person, or at least I used to be not that kind of person. So I cannot promise you that I won’t feel the hate towards you anymore, but I promise that I will try to be a better person towards you.
2. You’d been a constant joy in my life, you are one of the greatest gift I’ve had and I’m really really thankful for everything you have done. You may be the reason behind most of my struggles, and I may have hate you for a minute because of numerous reasons, but I really do love you from the bottom of my heart. Always.
3. Hi. I know we don’t talk anymore. And I might be still holding a bit of a grudge towards you, but I want you to know that I forgave you, for everything you’ve done wrong. for every lies and for every hurtful things you’ve done. Because I understand you and the reason that cost you to do those things. And even right now, everything feel surreal. I don’t even know if I’ve already faced what happened, if I’m just trying to be tough or if I’m really just okay with it because I was already too tired. But I really did loved you.
4. Telling you “I thought you’re different” had crossed my mind so many times after that night. I was dumbfounded and I really didn’t expect that you would do that, I know it wasn’t your fault, and not hers as well, but being on my side of the triangle, it was very tragic. So I’m really sorry for being distant, for not being a friend or more, because I really thought things will be different.
5. You’ve never left my heart. When it comes to you, my feelings never really ends. It is always there, you were always there. Whenever I know that you’re around, I wouldn’t miss a chance to look around the crowd and search for your eyes. I was never strong enough to withstand your effect on me, I will always bow down and let it crush me. I will always love you so much or more. But now, I’m no longer going to wish for you, because I know better. Because no matter how hard I beg or ask, it will never be enough. I will just enjoy each moment till it ends.
Okay, so that’s it. I’m sorry for the drama. But I just want and need to let a few words out of my system.